Today is one of those ‘letting it out’ posts. Writing about what feeling makes me lighter and happier and as I’m always honest on my posts about my life and how I’m feeling, I like to share it with you too.
From a young age I’ve felt disconnected. Whether it be from family, friends, relationships, I’ve always felt like something isn’t connecting like it should. I struggled with maintaining contact and finding the want to talk to people and that left me with very little people in my life. I’d spend my life in my bedroom as a teenager (I mean literally, I wouldn’t leave), I’d avoid school, I’d avoid talking to people and I’d spent my life on the internet which felt like my only escape. I HATED social situations and would go to extreme lengths to avoid them.
I felt different to everyone else. I see so many people now that are still friends with their school friends and do so many social things together but I’m just not one of those people, I feel safer that way. Maybe it’s because all of the people I trusted let me down and quite honestly, treated me like utter crap.
Of course things changed when I met Matt, fell in love and started my own family which I feel totally connected with but other than my little family, I don’t feel connected to much else. I love my other family members dearly but I wouldn’t message them if I had a problem or if I just fancied a chat, it’s not in my nature.
I have gone out of my comfort zone recently and started talking to a few old friends but knowing I’ll never have that ‘best friend’ makes me feel pretty rubbish, even if it is my own decision if you will.
I’m just grateful for the few people I have left, I don’t know how they put up with me.
Thanks for reading!