Life

Feeling Disconnected

dfs.png

Hi everyone.

Today is one of those ‘letting it out’ posts. Writing about whatΒ feeling makes me lighter and happier and as I’m always honest on my posts about my life and how I’m feeling, I like to share it with you too.

From a young age I’ve felt disconnected. Whether it be from family, friends, relationships, I’ve always felt like something isn’t connecting like it should. I struggled with maintaining contact and finding the want to talk to people and that left me with very little people in my life. I’d spend my life in my bedroom as a teenager (I mean literally, I wouldn’t leave), I’d avoid school, I’d avoid talking to people and I’d spent my life on the internet which felt like my only escape. I HATED social situations and would go to extreme lengths to avoid them.

I felt different to everyone else. I see so many people now that are still friends with their school friends and do so many social things together but I’m just not one of those people, I feel safer that way. Maybe it’s because all of the people I trusted let me down and quite honestly, treated me like utter crap.

Of course things changed when I met Matt, fell in love and started my own family which I feel totally connected with but other than my little family, I don’t feel connected to much else. I love my other family members dearly but I wouldn’t message them if I had a problem or if I just fancied a chat, it’s not in my nature.

I have gone out of my comfort zone recently and started talking to a few old friends but knowing I’ll never have that ‘best friend’ makes me feel pretty rubbish, even if it is my own decision if you will.

I’m just grateful for the few people I have left, I don’t know how they put up with me.

Thanks for reading!

nxzxmc

 

8 thoughts on “Feeling Disconnected

  1. I could have written this myself. It is something so relatable for me. I find it hard to maintain friendships. Always have been a bit of a loner and it is because in one way or another, I have always been walked all over. Very well said.

    Like

  2. You are certainly not the only person to be in this position. Even if you make lots and lots of school friends, you would eventually move on as people change. You are a different person now to what you were then. Now is your time to find people who have common interests. You cannot say that you will never have a best friend, who knows who you will meet in life? You met your husband and you click with him, the same could happen with somebody as a friend x

    Like

  3. I can really relate to this. I’ve felt this way most of my life too, although looking from the outside no one would know – I’ve always pushed myself to try and fit in. Nowadays I don’t do that anymore as I’m more accepting of who I am and, as you said, I feel totally connected when with my little family. Thanks for writing this, it really struck a chord with me xx

    Like

  4. Do what makes you happy. Screw that which doesn’t! There’s no rule book to life so don’t ever be influenced by what others do and think that’s the right thing. Life isn’t all about fitting in; it’s about living it in a way that makes you feel good because it could end at any moment. If Oliver and Matt are the only people who make you smile then so fucking what? Don’t feel guilty for how you choose to be happy. If others don’t understand or try to tell you you’re wrong then they’re poison in my opinion. You know who you can turn to when you need them and if they truly give a shit they’ll always be there even if they don’t hear from you in ages x

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s