We started off our day in a really happy, calm way. No rushing, no fussing and just enjoying the start of the weekend. We both got washed and dressed, had our breakfast, Oliver went off to do his own thing and I had 20 minutes to myself.. Yay!
The weather was rubbish and rainy so we stayed at home in the warm watching DVDs, Peppa Pig and playing with Megablocks – Oliver used to just throw them around but he’s grasped how to use them now so that’s great, I love all things Megablocks/Lego! We had our lunch and pretty soon after monster went up for his afternoon nap as he was getting moany and irritable but he went down without a problem.
This is where my day (and my life) came crashing down before my eyes.
I’ve always had issues with depression and I deal with it in my own way, I try my hardest to be happy and positive but some days it’s too hard to do that. I have always made effort with people, I’ve always tried to make everyone else’s life’s as easy as can be but I think you reach a point where you sit down and realise that actually, no one would do the same for you. It’s a one way street and you aren’t really important. That hurts.
I finally feel like change is needed, I’ve put up with the same crap for way too long and I don’t want too anymore, I want to feel happy again and let Oliver have the mum he needs.
He’s now fast asleep and I’m going to have some me time, some thinking time. I wish life was easier some times but then I realise how much harder some people have it than I do, I guess that doesn’t stop the pain.
This post is short and not the happiest and I’m sorry for that, this is my honest place and I would feel like I’m cheating you all if I made out I was okay.
I hope your day has been lovely.
Thanks for reading!