Life

The Truth

This is a blog post that I’ve wrote about 20 times but I haven’t had the guts to post it. I base my blog on honesty so I felt like I’d be cheating you all if I didn’t post this.

Truthfully, I’m at my lowest point right about now. I’m the loneliest I’ve ever felt, I have absolutely no confidence left and I feel barely any happiness anymore. I’m a mess.

Now some of you may be thinking ‘but you have a wonderful little boy, how can you be sad?!’ you’re right, he’s lovely and he does bring me SO much happiness every day of my life, he is what keeps me going. However that doesn’t make these feelings disappear, I wish it would.

I’ve had depression from a young age but have always managed it fine (she says). After having Oliver I can admit it has got worse, mainly because I’m now the most self conscious I’ve been and my life has changed so much.

My problems are far deeper than just my body though. My year so far hasn’t been the happiest, I have barely any family left, zero friends and no one I can just call to have a good old cry to. The only person I have to talk to is well, me.

I now dread the moment Oliver goes to sleep as that’s when it hits me most. I don’t have something keeping me busy so my mind runs away with itself.

I have plenty of people who make out like they really care about my well being and how I am but I’m not stupid. When push comes to shove, 99% of them aren’t there. Maybe that’s because no one knows I feel like this.. But should they need to?

I just wanted to admit it to myself more than anything, I’m unhappy.

I guess honesty is the only way I can try and make my life better, not just for me but for that beautiful little boy sleeping in the room next to me.

nxzxmc

 

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8 thoughts on “The Truth

  1. Thank you for sharing, so brave of you, I wrote a similar post on my old blog but I don’t think I transferred to my new one – I have too suffered most of my life my anxiety has hit the roof in the past few months but I’m hopefully starting to settle a bit now. I can completely relate in terms of friends, etc I often find that people online – like other Bloggers I talk to can relate rather than my actual friends, I got quite bad after having my 2nd child as I’d just found out that my eldest had additional needs so it was all so much to take in – just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel and thanks again for sharing πŸ™‚ x

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  2. I am here to say you are not alone. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many blessings you have in your life (for me my pups, for you your son). I to feel at my loneliest right now and it is not a fun feeling. I have anxiety that I mostly keep secret from others, and recently it has been way worse. All the “friends” I once had are all but gone except my best friend who lives across the country. Hang in there and know you aren’t alone. Also know you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling this way just because you have a son. People have know idea how your day to day life goes, and most of the time the outside looking in is not the reality of it all. You got this! Just stay positive that it will have to turn around eventually!

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    1. Thank you so much for leaving such a lovely comment! That’s my trouble, always keeping it a secret and letting things build up as I won’t talk about it – writing this blog post felt like a weight off of my shoulders though. Thank you again, the same goes for you, you are NOT alone either. X

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